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Yep, that’s right! I’m getting married in 4 days. That’s in 3 days, 20 hours, and 56 minutes from the time I’m writing this sentence. In light of the major milestone I am about to cross over, I would like to highlight 42 things I’ve learned in 42 months with my partner.

1. Laughing with your partner is guaranteed to keep smiles fresh on your faces. Even if it’s over little things, laughing will put and keep you in a good mood. The best part? It’s contagious!
2. Make small gestures of affection frequently. For my fiancé and I, this used to look like little notes on a gum wrapper in high school. Now, it looks like blowing a kiss to each other every time one of us has to go to work. Whatever your little sign of affection is, keep doing it! I promise you, it does make a difference.
3. Try new things. When my fiancé and I first started dating, we were constantly trying new things, whether that was trying a food for the first time or going to a cool place in our area for the first time. When you first start dating, it’s easy to keep things fresh and new. As time goes by, however, it can be easy to get stuck in the mundane tasks and routines of your relationship. This is why it’s important to go out of your way to continue to date your partner and try new things every now and then.
4. Become a pro at making their favorite thing. Whether that’s a dinner, a date setup, handmade artwork, or literally anything else, become an expert in that thing! It makes your partner feel special when you’re “speaking their language.”
5. Use kind words. This one may seem a little obvious, but it is easier said than done. It can be tempting to say something witty or even downright insulting at your lowest moments, but be gentle and use kind words- this is your person, and you’re who they’re meant to feel safe with. Don’t jeopardize that because you wanted to say something in the heat of the moment.
6. Do something you don’t like, and don’t complain about it! There’s nothing worse than being with someone who just complains all the time. So, do something that you wouldn’t choose first if asked how you like to spend your time. Is your grumbler doing dishes? Mowing the lawn? Mopping? Making food? Cleaning out the trash can? Whatever it is, just do it- without the complaining! Plus, if you don’t complain about it, it won’t seem as bad as you think.
7. Flip your grumblers into gratitude. Going off of the last one, whatever it is that makes you grumble, find a way to be grateful for it. Is mowing the lawn really that terrible when you get to actually enjoy your yard afterwards? Is cleaning so horrible when you get to live in a clean space afterwards? Find ways to be grateful, and it’ll improve both your mood and your partner’s.
8. Thank them for what they do instead of scold them for what they don’t. Now, like everything else in relationships, this is within reason. If you truly are doing everything, it might be healthy to discuss the reevaluation of tasks within your relationship with your partner. However, if your partner truly is awesome but they just don’t do that one thing you’ve been wanting them to do, maybe it’s time to look at everything they do do (haha… okay moving on from the 4th grade humor). Appreciate all that they do for you already and focus on that instead.
9. Have a grounding point. For us, our grounding point is the church. Our faith is our foundation for our beliefs as individuals, and the support our church offers us as individuals and as a couple is what allows for us to feel grounded when we go through the roller-coaster that is life. For you, this may be spending time with close friends and family, or going to couples’ therapy. Whatever it is that helps you feel supported and grounded is what is going to help you become stronger as individuals and as a couple.
10. Admit when you’re wrong. This is another one of those things that is easier said than done. It is difficult to look someone in the eye and admit that although you so adamantly thought you were right, it turns out you were wrong. This is healthy communication and humility at its finest, and being able to be honest with yourself and your partner is the key to having your relationship run like a well-oiled machine.
11. Say you’re sorry. This is very different from admitting you’re wrong. Apologizing is vulnerable and not only admits that you were somehow wrong in word or action, but that you feel penitent for what was said or done. Apologizing also opens the door to further communication about the topic on hand, allowing there to be deeper healing and understanding from both parties.
12. Be considerate of your differences as human beings. While it can be exciting to feel so close and connected with someone, it is important to remember you are each unique individuals and won’t be the same, or even complimentary, in every way. The foundation to applying this as smoothly as possible to your relationship is to have a baseline of respect for them as their own person.
13. Don’t have an “it’s just how I am” attitude about your negative or hurtful ways. This is toxic to your partner as well as completely unfair to them. If you are unwilling to grow and evolve as a human being, you will likely stifle the growth of the person you are with. This is hurtful, so learn to grow as individuals and together.
14. Don’t lose yourself in the relationship. While change is healthy (as highlighted in the last point), it is important to not lose yourself in the relationship by changing yourself completely. While growing and changing over time, you don’t want to lose sight of who you are and what makes you unique.
15. Find relationship mentors. Yes, you read that right! Find people who have a healthy, long-lasting relationship and let them give you advice and tips on growing into a more mature and well-rounded adult and bringing those qualities into a healthy relationship. Of course take what they say with a grain of salt, because no two relationships are the same, but getting the general idea of how to be a good partner from someone you look up to can give you good direction in your relationship.
16. Have some fun! Don’t ever be too serious with yourself or your partner. Loosen up every once in a while and have some lighthearted fun.
17. Volunteer together. This truly does wonders for your relationship. Volunteering together builds a bond between two people who are partaking in a selfless action to contribute their resources- time, energy, and whatever else- to something they believe in supporting. This builds a beautiful relationship between the spouses, as well as with members of their community.
18. Set aside time and money for a date night. Even if it’s the same date night on the first Friday of every month, with the same pizza order every time, prioritize some down time with your partner. It is equally important to have peaceful, relaxing times with your partner as it is to do fun and new things with them.
19. If you feel unsure about something, just ask. If you’re not sure what your partner is thinking about a certain issue or how they feel about something, just ask them. It really is that easy.
20. Communicate your likes and dislikes. If going to racetracks is not your thing, but you’re totally down for a hockey game, just mention that to your partner! This is an easy way to open up the communication about what you each like and dislike, as well as find a balance between doing each other’s favorite things.
21. Learn their love language. This is way more important than a lot of people realize. Speaking your partner’s love language takes your relationship to a whole new level of understanding and communication. Don’t just take my word on this one- give it a try and watch your partner and relationship flourish.
22. Don’t go to bed angry. While this one is definitely cliché, it is a good rule of thumb when it comes to navigating issues in a relationship. Now, of course this isn’t going to work perfectly every time, but make it your goal to resolve any issues you can before you go to bed so that when you wake up you have a clean slate before you.
23. Remember: It’s you versus the issue, not you versus each other. Never look at your partner as the issue. Look at the problem at hand and work with your partner to fix it. This change of perspective will take your conversations about problems much further than any argument will.
24. Allow yourself (and your partner) to feel emotions fully. We don’t always feel elated, happy, or even neutral. As people living life and experiencing changes, we experience a wide variety of emotions. It is important to give yourself room to experience all of these feelings as well as give your partner the space they need to feel their emotions fully.
25. Nothing is off the table. Open communication is as simple as it sounds. If you’re in a committed, long term relationship with someone, it is important to be able to communicate about anything and everything without secrecy. It’s okay to have some sore spots- deal with them and heal through them as they come up.
26. Spend time with friends individually. This is definitely something I lost sight of at the beginning of my relationship. It is important to maintain other relationships- friendships, family bonds, whatever it may be. These help you keep perspective and remain well-rounded.
27. Spend time with friends as a couple. Bonus points if your friends are other couples so that no one feels like a third wheel (we’ve all been there- don’t do that to someone you care about). It is undeniably fun and fulfilling to hang out with people who just get you, as individuals and as a couple.
28. Consider each other’s goals in your own. This is something my fiancé and I are right in the middle of. We each have our own goals and aspirations that closely fit together, and now we are in the exciting stage of life where we are seeing how our goals actually concatenate with each other’s.
29. Be flexible. Life tends to do this thing where it almost never goes according to plan. This is what you make it, so make it a positive thing in your relationship, whatever “it” may be!
30. Make an effort to remember the things that are important to your partner. No matter how small or unimportant something may seem to you, if it is important to your partner it is worth making a priority!
31. Do some normal day activities with your partner. Whatever makes life feel boring would probably be more fun doing with your love. Grocery store trips feel like a chore for me, but when I run errands with my partner I find myself laughing and smiling much more than when I go on my own.
32. Don’t feed into drama. This lesson is really self-explanatory… Just don’t do it!
33. Patience is key. Being patient with your partner is important in your expression of your love and care for your partner. Being patient also allows your partner to feel safe being vulnerable with you, knowing that you give them the space to learn and grow with you patiently by their side through it all.
34. Continue to give your partner your attention. This is something that comes naturally in the beginning, but can slowly dissipate as time goes on. Make it a conscious effort to give your partner your attention. This can be in the form of asking them about their day or just listening to them talk about whatever is on their mind. Giving your partner your full attention communicates that you are present in the moment with them and that you care about what they have to say.
35. Give your partner admiration. Admiration for your partner is probably something that you continue to have throughout your relationship, but it is important to share this admiration with your partner through communication. Feeling appreciated and admired is a special experience that you can share with your partner as it goes both ways.
36. Don’t take the small moments for granted. Truthfully, you will never get any moment of your life back after it has passed. In your relationship, you want to treasure each moment and value the love you share through time.
37. Surprise each other with “Just Because” gifts. This can be a physical gift, a love note, a surprise date, Chinese takeout and a showering of words of affirmation, any combination of the above or anything else that floats your boat. Make it fun, make it random, and put a smile on your partner’s face. Like laughter, smiles are contagious!
38. Let them be your best friend first. Honestly, the key to keeping your relationship lighthearted and fun is to let your partner be your best friend above all else. This makes it easier to step back from the pressures you may feel about being a romantic partner and allow you to experience your relationship and feelings for each other fully and most authentically.
39. Stay active in your hobbies. While this isn’t the most significant lesson I’ve learned while being a relationship, I feel that it’s still an important one. Keeping at your hobbies is relaxing and allows you to center yourself. Recharging and feeding into yourself will ultimately allow you to be a better person and have more capacity to love and care for your partner.
40. Share the things/people you love with your partner. For me, this is definitely my cat- Mr. Professor is the love of my life. He is the center of my daily life, and allowing my fiancé to participate in caring for Mr. Professor bonds us. This may be letting your partner close to someone you love, or opening up to them about a hobby you are passionate about.
41. Be encouraging and supportive. Yet another one of those “obvious” ones. Being encouraging and supportive takes more than kind words- it takes action. Being an active cheerleader for your spouse requires time, energy, and dedication on top of those kind words. Having a support system can make or break a person, so think twice about pessimism!
42. Don’t compare your relationship to other people’s relationship. This is a huge lesson that is an uphill battle with social media being full of picture-perfect couples and families. Your relationship is totally unique and not even comparable to anyone else’s. Appreciate the special and unique bond that you share with your partner. There truly is no other like it!

And there it is, 42 (Love) Life Lessons after 42 months of being with my fiancé, from high school sweethearts to an (almost) married couple! As they say, time flies when you’re having fun with the love of your life (that is what they say, right?) As of this sentence we are 3 days, 18 hours, and 18 minutes out until the big day! Woohoo!