Tag Archives: new beginning

Finding Life’s Purpose (To Be Continued)

As someone who’s always been “ahead of the crowd” in every way growing up, it’s amazing how I feel like my growth has stunted when I needed it to flourish the most. 

As a kid, I was the gifted honor student who adults always praised for being “So Mature!” Well, as it turns out, many people who are So Mature growing up end up confused a decade later when suddenly, they’re not ahead of everyone else. 
This was me. This is me. 
I’ve spent hours, days, weeks, maybe even months trying to figure out life (and my role in it). I’ve researched majors like no one’s business, researched careers as if there’s a code to crack that I’m so close to finding out, and researched “how to _____” just about anything I’ve ever wanted to do. 
What stresses me out the absolute most is the journey to figure out how to get to my end goal. Even when I’m unsure of what that end goal is, I just want to be there instead of here. 
My biggest dream is to make it as a freelance writer. To be any type of writer brings me enough joy to want to do it for free, but it would be amazing to get paid to do what I love. The only problem is figuring out how to do just that. 
I’m sure many people who are at a cross-roads in life, or who are young, or both, completely understand how I feel. If nothing else, I want my words to help you feel like you’re not alone in this crazy, scary thing we call life. 
However-
I want to tell you that your life’s purpose cannot be achieved if you’re not taking care of yourself. If you don’t love where you are at this moment, I can’t give you a roadmap from beginning to end. I can give you the first few steps in the right direction though.

1. Take care of the necessities 

This means having clothes on your back, a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and taking care of your emotional, physical, spiritual, social, and mental health needs. This step alone is a lot to take on. You may be working a job you don’t love, living in a place you don’t want to be, leading a life you’re not proud of. Unless these things are causing you harm, stick it out. Take care of your wellbeing before anything else. 

2. Grow into yourself

This can be confusing- how do you grow into yourself? For me, a lot of my growth has come from taking classes at my local community college as well as changing jobs. Changing jobs has brought me into a healthy work environment that I flourish in, although it’s not my dream career. That’s okay for now. Taking classes at my local community college has been more of a growth-inducing thing than any sort of growth that’s comfortable. I have mostly learned what stresses me out and not so much what I love- but knowing what doesn’t suit me is just as important as knowing what does. 

3. Make changes, one at a time

This is something that I have a really hard time with, especially since I’m a very sentimental person. Going back to the last point, I changed jobs. This was hard. My previous work environment wasn’t what I needed, but I still loved working with a lot of the people there. It was emotionally difficult for me to leave that job and start my new one. Looking back on it, I could not be more grateful for my decision (thank you, past Olive). My current job pushes me to grow in ways I’m not always comfortable with, but starting there was just one change that made a huge impact. My next big change is moving out of my current dwelling. It has worked for me and was a good place to start, but it’s not a place I want to be- so, I’m changing it. This change is not something that was quick or easy, and it’s taken almost a year of living in a place I don’t love with problems I can’t fix, and I still have several months more. But, changes don’t have to be quick or plentiful- they can be slow and one at a time.

This is all I have for now, because this about catches you up to where I’m at as I write this post. 

(To Be Continued)  

My Thoughts a Week Before My Wedding

So, that big day is coming up… the once in a lifetime event that is the most stressful yet most beautiful day for any bride-to-be. What exactly is going on inside my head just one week before my big day?

1.) “Anything that doesn’t go according to plan will be a funny story (eventually).” Yes, this is a legitmate thought/ reminder that I keep running through my head. The planning for the day is stressful enough as is- and you can’t plan for the craziness of life, which adds a whole other layer of a distinct type of stress.

2.) “I sure hope my final alterations will last me till the wedding.” We’ve all heard of the “Quarantine 15 (lbs),” right? What about the “Stress Eating Before a Huge Life Altering Event 15 (lbs)?” I feel like that extra weight should have an equal voice!

3.) “I feel like my emotions are less than the services we need to provide to the guests.” Let me explain this one: I feel like so much of wedding planning is about the guests, not about the bride and groom. Of course everyone is there to celebrate the coming together of two people in holy matrimony- but god forbid if their food isn’t steaming hot or if their preferred seat is already taken or whatever else it is. Of course, I haven’t experienced this and I hope I don’t on my wedding day, but this is what my whole thought process has been about- more about the people attending the event than what the event is actually about. Unnecessary anxious thoughts? I hope that’s all this chalks up to and none of these concerns come to fruition.

4.) “I need to remember x, y, z, and also a, b, c, oh yeah and that one thing…” Yeah. This is my brain. What about the guest favors? When is my final fitting? Will person “A” be there to receive the flowers before person “B” is there to herd people into the right spot? Did I forget to feed the cat this morning? Yep. Again, all of these things are running through my head… constantly. We’re a week away, so it’s crunch time! I really need to make sure everything that needs to be finalized in these last few days is finalized.

5.) “I can’t wait to celebrate my new life with my husband after this stress is over.” Of course, even though I am definitely looking forward to the actual day, more than anything else I am looking forward to the life we have ahead of us. After all, while it is a *very* important day, what’s more important is the union of the two of us and the life we have ahead of us- starting in 7 short days (*gasp*).

Truly, the biggest thing I’ve learned in this whole process is that time flies, fast. I can’t believe we’ve been engaged for 11 months already, and our wedding is next week… Did the month of May even happen this year? I feel like I missed chunks of time being stressed out and trying to plan for things that eventually got changed around, but it all led us to where we are today- a week away from the biggest day of my life so far. On top of getting married, my fiancé and I have rented and moved into a small beginner apartment. Hopefully, someday on this blog, you’ll read our “glow-up” story of our humble beginnings and how we achieved wherever we are at that point in time- but for now, we are in those humble beginnings and we’re making history with every step we take. I can’t wait to be a “Mrs.” in 7 days, and to see where this journey takes us in life.